just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
