I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
