After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
