It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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