I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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