its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So squirting runs in the family.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
