You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
