you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize