you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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