Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
