omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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