there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize