this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
