btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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