was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
