dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
