oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
