Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you inspire me to be a worse person
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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