i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
