Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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