Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
