Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
