literally had 100 drinks last night.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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