my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize