we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
