I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
