Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't deserve a penis
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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