And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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