I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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