you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
