My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
