"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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