I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
