When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
