My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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