I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
