highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
im on a boat
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