she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
