The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
