You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
