The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
