some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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