She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
