What a fucking waste of an outfit
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
