i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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