It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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