Your mouth is God's brothel.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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