Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
