32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
