I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
