I got chris browned last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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