I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
