In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
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