Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
