Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
