You really coming over, don't trick.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
