How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
