Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize