For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
