yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
