What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize