So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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