; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
