I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
