ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
