i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
