so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
