I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
