I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize