i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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