After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
