Soap is not a condiment
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize