How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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